The Lord Has Delt With Me

Wow! Since the beginning of the year I have been praying about the Lord pruning me (my marriage, my life, etc.) Boy did He work last night... I got an email from a "higher up" (who I had spoke to on my way out of school yesterday and I could tell something was not right) to stop by the office when I came in today and I immediately became convicted about how I had handled some new minor changes coming my way. Although in the big picture it might have been minute...God really worked on my heart in a way that I did not expect. I can't stand the feelings of guilt and shame (for they are not from the Lord) so I began praying for forgiveness and a renewing. The freedom that comes from being honest in prayer with God is amazing. I wanted the condition of my heart to be repentant and forthcoming about the way I had handled the change (we are moving classrooms...minor I know). That being said I was fully prepared with an apology, not an excuse. I knew that I was covered in Gods grace and that all would be ok. (Let me better explain this by saying you know how you just want to kick yourself for not having held your tongue and you would give anything to take back actions or words and then you just squirm until God works on your heart about it...that is how I felt last night anticipating a conversation I was going to have to face today). So when I got to school I sent the email to my higher up asking when a good time to stop by would be and the response was this...."I am not sure what it was that I wanted you to stop by for." Wow..."If not for nothing" (my friend Gloria's favorite saying) did the Lord prune. I say this to say that it is hard being a leader and it is easy to forget that we are always under watchful eyes, listening ears, and skeptical hearts. In a short time I have stepped in to two leadership positions and I easily forget that as a lover of Christ and as His child I have a big job on my hands. I am human and make mistakes (little comments that I should keep to myself) but I have an Awesome God who loves me enough to prune me for the glory of His kingdom. If anyone gets anything from this post today is this...take joy in the pruning and refining for there is a freedom that is unexplainable in allowing God to work like this on your heart. I praise and thank Him for the work He is doing in me...I think most of the time I miss it and thankfully my eyes were opened to this. It would be easy for me to say that I "worried over nothing" But I beg to differ. The outcome of today (not actually getting called into the office) is the work of the Lord on my heart. On a side note (you'll find this interesting too) I have been specifically praying a while now for this "higher up" to know the Lord, even more of a reason that the condition of my heart shines His love.